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Friday, January 17, 2014

another watercolor, and so far in the Course.

Here is another of my watercolors, though this one did not turn out as well in the scan as the other one.  I really like this painting; the colors are much more delicate in the original.  I thought of the Lake District in England when I painted this:

I guarantee that the original is much nicer than this and I will play with the scanned image in a few days.

I will be going through the Course in Miracles this year, and am enjoying and connecting with it in a way I have not felt before, with a good resonance.  I think that my work in Zen has helped with some of this resonance, though I really cannot put my finger on why, nor do I feel a reason to do so.

One thing I can never agree with (I peeked ahead into the teacher's section of the Course):  I refuse to believe that my illness was created by my mind.  It was created by my body (which of course is controlled by the mind), though I can say it was definitely enhanced by my mind, and still is, via stress.  Certainly the brain instructs the immune system, but the latter is an extremely complex system in the body and nobody knows for sure what causes lupus exactly.  There is a very strong tie between lupus and exposure in childhood to toxic substances, and a genetic link, and exacerbation under times of stress (which is why I went on medical leave this semester).

To tell someone their illness will go away if they get in the right frame of mind is cruel and gives people false hope, in my opinion.  It's like the mojo of "God smote you with illness because you sinned.". I absolutely believe that every bit of stress-reduction, therapy, meditation, affirmations, etc, are all incredibly beneficial to healing.  That is the right path for me, personally:  I am taking this time away from my job to get into a better frame of mind, return to yoga and Reiki on a regular basis, get bodywork more often, and do many other things to improve my health.  My mental and physical health were basically run into the ground by the end of November this year, and I aim to get both into a state of better wellness.

I am not going to reject the Course even though there are some things in the teacher's manual that I don't understand, though--there are certain things I feel it's fine to "take what you like and leave the rest".  Gurus and dogmatic religious or spiritual ideas anywhere really bug me.  However, the Course seems like a gentle, steady opening of the eyes and heart, and I don't feel attacked by the lessons.  I have very sensitive antennae for things like this because I've been told a lot of mumbo jumbo by people who feel that my illness will disappear by magic. I am telling you, the best magic has been going on medical leave, and going on Imuran, especially as I am adjusting well to it.  And I am NOT bored, as some people predicted:  I can write, knit, paint, do yoga, take care of Thistle, do costume repair, and finally begin to work on some dance choreographies.  That's fine with me.
Well, time to get the heck to bed.  Goodnight!