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Thursday, January 02, 2014

ChemoCaps: Dear God

The hair loss continues. I can see why people shave their heads at some point during chemo. I'm not ready to do that anytime soon. One suggestion was to have a "head shaving party" and laugh and have lots of fun. I think I would just cry through something like that. I've decided to let my hair fall out as much as it is going to and go from there.

I am looking for the perfect chemo cap knitting pattern (I figure as slowly as I knit anything, I'll be done when I actually need a hat. On Ravelry (my favorite knitting site), I searched for patterns and was amazed and amused at some of them. Chemo caps I would not be caught dead in include the following (sorry, too nauseous today to go fetch pix, so let's just rely on the power of the imagination): the tie-dye yarn hat with curlicue knitted dreads. The cap made with a massively fuzzy, neon pink yarn, as if a bathmat mated with a Marshmallow Peep. And then there's the "Hair Hat", which is knitted in a chartreuse and black checkerboard and is a little shoulder-length (checkered) flip, like Marlo Thomas in That Girl! Speaking of chartreuse, there is the frog cap knitted in neon chartreuse. with bulging red neon eyes, which straight-up gave me the willies. And then, the football not a team-themed hat, a hat fashioned to look like half of a real football, complete with white laces on the side. I have no comment for that because I just...can'

Then it was off to the sites which sell headwraps and such. Surgical scrub kerchiefs...I saw one I liked, with a pattern of slightly bleached out roses. I wondered what was up with the blousy patterns for some of the scrub caps, like a chef's hat. Finally I saw one that I would probably get: a very nice, simple cap, sort of like the one I already have, but made of a fabric that can wick sweat away and keep the head at a more tolerable temperature. I also had great success with a beret, so I may get some of those.

I'm not particularly brave about this, but am coming to a place of acceptance. I think hair is one of the very few places where people can play with styles and colors, and can be a means of self-expression and identity. I loved my hair. I still love it even as it goes. CG (my caregiver) reminds me it is a sign that the chemo is working, so I hold to that. I remember that my doctor said the first six months will be difficult, but my body will adjust to it eventually. And I won't stop looking for the perfect hat pattern.