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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Dailies

I had a quiet day in which I answered emails, wrote a little, cooked a little, exercised a little, and cleaned house a little.  I feel much better than last night, and sleep very much helped.  There is still that stone of grief I carry in the realm of my solar plexus, but it is getting smaller and easier to deal with.

My chemotherapy and I have "bonded" and I am no longer afraid of it.  I'm using a biotin shampoo and conditioner, as recommended by a few former chemo patients (my chemo is lifelong in pill form) and it seems to be stabilizing the hair loss.  It sort of fluffs my hair a bit, too, and the curl is now visible.  My baldness is still there, though (I was looking at some of my bellydance pix and couldn't believe how much hair I had).  It's gone away before (much, much worse than now--lupus when very active attacks the hair follicles) and I know it will be back again.

I would like to work on accepting having lupus (a constant process, even though I have had it for twenty years) and gratitude that I have done a lot even so:  published writing, written two books (one unfinished, for now), am working on a third, got my MFA with a nearly straight-A average, taught for ten years, and a host of other things.  I still hope for a remission and have total faith that it will happen.  I want to be the world's oldest living person with lupus.

I hope also for a cure for this disease which affects mostly women.  I'm glad to have contributed to this by participating in genetic studies at UCLA (which involved only a blood draw on my part).

Anyway, Thistle needs me, so I am off for the night.

peace to all