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Thursday, January 09, 2014

Wishes, Choices, and Quelling Vulgarity

I don't mean for this blog to become an account of me sitting around on my deck at night, waiting for the Grim Reaper.  I really don't want to die this early in life.  This is one of the reasons I chose to attempt the chemotherapies for lupus instead of endless and destructive prednisone treatments.  Prednisone affects my mind far too much, and it really has very few long-term benefits.  The truth is, I did have a choice to go on chemotherapy--the other choice was basically doing nothing, or not much, and the result might very well have been a negative one.  I don't know for sure, but I do know my own body pretty well.  I think this choice was the right one.   Most importantly, it was my own choice--it was between a rock and a hard place, but I still chose, and I believe I chose wisely.  Chemotherapy for this is NOT a defeat:  it was probably the first time in 15 years that I actually chose something active to deal with lupus. 

I have so much more I want to talk about tonight, but discovered just now that Thistle spelled the word "fuk" with her wooden letters, then said to me in her sweet way, "Look, Grandma, I spelled a bad word!"  Apparently an ill-mannered child at her school was teaching all the kids to spell swear words with alphabet blocks before the teacher discovered her and put the kibosh on it.  I don't know why I thought the matter was over, but apparently it came home with us. I think instead of putting the label of "bad" on it, I will discuss "vulgar" instead.  Wish me luck.

later:  I should not have said that poor little girl at Thistle's school is ill-mannered--that is one of my knee-jerk reactions--I have plenty of those).  I feel very sad that a little 4 year old child knows how to spell even one swear word with alphabet blocks, let alone a few choice ones.  Either she's so advanced that she can spell out what she hears around her, or God forbid, someone taught her to do that.  I hope she learns to do a little better at that nice school she attends with Thistle. 

Other news of the day:  I just started Lesson 1 of the Course in Miracles, so my dear readers may have to bear with some thoughts on this from time to time.  I was raised as a hellfire Catholic though several of  my experiences with the church really were not entirely bad.  I have resisted at least trying the Course because of the wording regarding the Son of God.  I think since then I have got away, at least a little, from the idea that anything to do with Christ is negative and that focusing on "not Jesus AGAIN?  When am I ever going to get away from that guy?" was really putting blinders on me--though it is probably what I needed to see before allowing that to go away.  I expect I'll bump up against it again, but my prayer for the last six months has been asking for Spirit to help me stop being so negative and actually explore some of the wise suggestions people make.  I realize that people make such suggestions out of a genuine desire to help, and that my life is not one big flaw and everyone sees it.  It is rather that people are often genuinely helpful  and have what we call in 12 steps "ESR" (experience, strength, and hope) to share.  I'm not planning to become a Jesus freak anytime soon, but I have far less animosity towards Him these days.

Well, I am going to look for a couple of Messier objects tonight, and so I go forth. :)