We have some great bellydance venues right in Santa Cruz. When the Vets Hall opens up, I hope we will have more space to do things. My folkloric bellydance troupe, Dancers of the Crescent Moon, is performing in a local restaurant, Michael's on Main, on Sunday this week. On May 1, my troupe is performing at Don Quixote's, a restaurant and "international music hall" which is about five minutes from my house.
I had a horrible experience a few years ago at Don Quixote's when, watching a concert, I was groped from behind as I sat in my chair watching the show. The incident lit a match to a conflagration that had been developing for a long, long time: I was severely depressed, over work and my grandchild, the chaos my daughters were in, which was right in my face...many factors, compounded by a depression I could not shake. I was also not eating as much as I ought to have because I was trying out a gluten free diet and had to severly limit my food. I was anorexic in college, though I re-taught myself to eat when I was pregnant with my first child, as I wanted him to be healthy.
The groping plus all the other factors and some more that I don't want to write about, kicked my anorexia in and I used to watch, fascinated, as my bathroom scale showed ever-increasing weight loss. I finally got the help I needed (I will not say, for confidentiality's sake, just how) and am finally, many years later, feeling that I am coming to terms with what happened to me. Having a loving and supportive person (CG) around here really helps--he reassured me that I had nothing to do with it, that I have fought very hard to put all the negative stuff of that time behind me. He also said that it was not my job to defend myself against people who say they care. People may care very much, but sometimes they hold beliefs that are contrary to mine--I can respect them for what they believe, for suggestions they offer, but ultimately my feelings and my point of view deserve respect as well.
And I agree with him. I feel better and work on myself much more easily when people express things positively to me, not blame me for something that was 100 percent not my fault. In fact, when I had the breakdown, my instinct then was to PROTECT myself, not destroy myself: the minute I knew I was in real trouble, I sought real help.
At any rate, on May 1, I am returning with my troupe to Don Quixote's for the first time since the "bad thing" happened; it is going to be a pretty interesting night, as there will be witches and pagans there to do a healing ritual beforehand, and then lots of dancing. It will be a good resolving of that horrible time. I would like to be able to go see some groups there and dance--I love to go out on the dance floor.
I must go help CG with Thistle--they need me.
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