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Tuesday, February 04, 2014


I'm writing in my journal again, about a page a day.

I'm blogging every day, usually about random stuff.

I'm having less bad dreams and more good ones.

I don't want to sleep all the time.

I'm crying less, about once every other day.

I'm dancing in my classes again, and have had one performance, and another this weekend.

The first meeting of the new and improved prompt group is this Saturday.

I think I am getting better regarding the grieving.

However, I am still  afraid to go to Bookshop Santa Cruz, the falafel place off the mall, the Thai place, and the Mexican restaurant by the Rio. I doubt I will ever go to the Rio again, either, or Dharma's. And when I read in the paper that the Capitola Book Cafe was closing, I was sadly happy, in a way.  It was such a great place for me, but the end of my own presence there was extremely disappointing and upsetting, and I am glad it won't be there for me to experience too-difficult memories of this past Fall..

I still have the White Raven coffeshop, as well as Hidden Peak teahouse and Peets on the mall, and Lulu Carpenter's, all my bellydance classes, Haitian dance on Fridays, and a mix of African dance teachers on Saturday in Santa Cruz, though I haven't yet gone (probably next month, and definitely when my teacher Alseny comes back).  I'm forming a writing group of talented women, and ditto for a prompt group.  I can accept what I cannot change, and know that the courage will be there to change what I can.  I don't have to be subject to someone telling me where I can and cannot go. I'm tired of that--I've experienced this in various ways, mostly from men, all my life.  I can make my own life.  I always have, even though I have not done it well at all.  I am just a person living a life.

CG and I need to go over adoption papers...the adoption has been re-scheduled for early May as there are a few more things that need to be done, including clearing the cabin of my departed sister's stuff.  She kept a lot of things:  old cellphones (the huge ones), her books from college, endless papers from her contractor days...all of it is going.  I have been working on the mess steadily for years, but now we are getting a stipend to haul off everything.  CG is happy because he wants to use the cabin for various reasons, especially as a work/living space for himself.  Then we can have two parents on the property without stepping on each other's toes all the time.

At any rate, the emotional and psychic traumas seem to be getting less.  This is not what I wanted, but it is what it is right now, and I have no choice but to start getting back into life.

Thank you for stopping by!