I unfortunately have let some of my reading go this week for the Course; I've been very busy with other things, but did some thinking about what I am learning in the Course and with Zen. Still, it's so naescent that I feel a bit foolish sharing it.
I am not sure the Course is really right for me anyways. It is bringing up uncomfortable memories, especially as I split more and more from a way of life that I think I took on in order to please someone else. I thought it was good at first, but I find the local "feel-good" religious communities are too shallow and not challenging enough for me anymore. I can't say a million affirmations for a new car; I'd rather name what I need, then turn it over to Spirit, and work on my part in bringing what I want into reality. I don't think I want to be associated also with anything except the Zen center. I want to be thinking about deeper truths concerning myself and the world, and reality/unreality, than sit and get my hand patted and be told that everything I do is just fine and dandy, even if I am seriously hurting someone else. I think such happy communities are great for some, but they are not for me. I'm far too drawn to Zen and the little community on School Street is where my heart really is. It's not that I am better than anyone; it's just what I am drawn to.
I'm still not giving up the Course in Miracles, but am going to be drawing more parallels to Zen as I study and learn.
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