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Sunday, March 16, 2014

Hoarding Things, and The Course in Miracles

Just kidding with the title...the keywords "hoard", "hoarding" and "The Course in Miracles" are the most-searched keywords so far on this blog.

Hoarding is understandable, but letting things go is much better.  I've been giving away bags of clothes, shoes, and other old things I do not need anymore.  It feels good and gives a sense of lightness to my environment.  Hoarding to the point where things deteriorate to a health hazard is actually dangerous to both health and mind.    It's understandable-believe me, when my sister died, I inherited the contents of her storage space, and even though I have tossed and shredded at least 25 boxes of crap, there is still more, and three huge boxes in Los Angeles also.  Yet the more I work, the lighter and more clean my life feels.  Hoarding is TOTALLY understandable, and so is the fact that people really will help if it becomes too much to clean up.  Usually it's also a sign of OCD.

I have put aside the Course in Miracles now because it reminds me of things I have to tuck away as if in a pocket, in my secret heart.  I can't move forward in my life unless I do this.  There is too much psychic devastation still.  Every day is another step forward.  I really think that eventually a real class in this (in real time) would help me with this.  I can't pick up this book without the tears starting again.  It is as if someone has died in my life.  In a psychic, emotional sense, someone has. Letting go is learning to resurrect myself only.  The Al-Anon slogans I love the most are, of course, "Let go, let God",
"Higher Power has a plan", "Easy Does It" and "How important is it?" The slogans might seem kind of dumb, but in a moment of panic or fear, they work well as a reminder (they are short and easy to remember).

I think more people have been helped by AA and all its "offspring" groups than the Course in Miracles ever will.   I have seen so many lives transformed from the brink of total annihilation by AA especially. My father would not be alive today without it, nor my best friend from college days.  I would still be dating active alcoholics (not like I've done great since then, but at least I've gone a few steps up, I think).

Affirmations and trying to bend Higher Power's will to my own are things I am done with.  I ask HP for what I want, but I feel it is important, at this stage in my recovery, to ask "only for the knowledge of 'His' will in my life and the power to carry that out." This is done through meditation and silence, taking time for one's self (30 minutes seems standard).  It is a matter of slowing down and listening to intuition, to the "still, small voice" and moving forward.  I can rely on HP always, and not my "self-will run riot" which is ruinous to all.  Recovery literature is very supportive, and asks always to "let go and let God"--which implies that God knows what S/he is doing, at least in my own life (in the world at large, with the question of evil and horror--well, I am still unsure about those things).

As an aside note, I am very distressed and increasingly sad and bewildered about the airliner that is missing.  It is hard for me...actually impossible--to believe that a huge airliner could literally vanish.  And I feel so for the families of these poor passengers and crew--no answer.  My heart breaks with theirs and my mind is bewildered and shocked.

And with that, good night.