I finally was able to get to Palo Alto to see my psychiatrist/therapist today. It has been a long while--I was unable to go when I was sick from chemo at first, and then had the slew of infections. Despite the upper respiratory infection being "just over", still I went. My shrink is definitely not a "hand patter"--she is gentle with me, and yet helps me scrutinize my world with a clearer eye. She validated some of the realizations I have had since December 1st, and some of the concerns and, well, numerous things. It's the best money I have ever spent, seeing her. She confirmed some things for me: that I am not to blame for being sexually assaulted three years ago, and that my life is not a series of crises--she said I am a strong, intelligent, empathetic person, and that I have accomplished extraordinary things in my life even though life at times hammers at me. She means her praise. I always feel better about myself going out of there than I did going in.
I then went to Haitian dance despite total exhaustion. I danced like a goofball, missing steps, unable to tell between my left and right side (because tired), but by God, I went. I am not giving up on this class...it reaches the deepest levels of what dance means for me. The people there are so nice and there is no one from the other African dance classes. I am happy to be there, happier than I have been in a long time, dancing.
CG says I look very tired and I am getting to the zone beyond tiredness (which causes me to stare at books and such for hours). There is much in the news that is heartbreaking--the airliner crash is so devastatingly sad--and it seems a luxury to get a good night's sleep...but sleep I shall.
That's the news tonight from Planet Joanie. I look forward to getting together with my writing group tomorrow. It means everything to me that I have a good circle of folks to work with, And that is all.
Peace.
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