Writing; BP@

I'll be working on my themes today "inversely".

First off, I want to express gratitude for my real friends in this time.  I see my old writing group pulling away especially since some of them went to a local writer's conference together...another venue I can't go to now OR present at...gee thanks...  It's sad, but they were more the other person's friends anyway (I'm also sure one of the women thought I was going to hell in a handbasket because I don't worship Baby Jesus and because I wrote a book that had to do with sexuality and a person who works in a shop selling sex toys--I am sure glad she never got to the two love scenes, which were so explicit that I was concerned about letting anyone see them--but they were romantic and sweet, too, not gratuitous).

That book is on the shelf til summer--I'm really glad that my main male character is based on G. from my Thursday night class (hot drummer, nice guy, actually hot drummer and hot guy). I would not have been able to finish it otherwise.  As in Atonement, I will be giving my characters a better ending than what was.  And I can write a series in which I am not constrained and censored, this time....the principal female character eventually dies (of lupus) and I want her husband to be with her to the end, leaving him with their child to raise...this is to deepen his integrity and his appreciation for pretty much everything in life, and everything that his wife was; plus he will miss her greatly.  That would definitely not have gone over well for many reasons.   I also was really disturbed by the subtle misogyny behind some of the male writing. Still, there were fine writers in that group with a lot of potential--everyone was--but I felt stifled, as I ended up doing in my older writing group whose writing centered around some limited themes.  I do wish them every success in the world, though I would say that about half of them do not wish me the same, sadly enough.

I have a writing group starting Saturday with some new friends (we are "refugees" from a certain writing event that takes place in the Fall--I personally will never participate again, for sure--it has been ruined for me). and one is applying to my alma mater (I am very proud of this person's strength and accomplishment, and sheer integrity).  It's nice to find friends out of all the shrapnel. Perhaps I can be a mentor to them, and learn from them also.

So, next theme: bipolar 2.  I am really dealing with it this week after my therapy last Friday--it was validating but I touched the real vein of grief, finally, after being numb for three months.  I cried and sang in my singing group.  I cried in front of CG, who knew I was cycling and handed me a Kleenex.  Then we talked late into the night about comet strikes and how to make that plausible as the reason, in my book, which starts with a comet strike that wastes a lot of the Earth and drives people inland.

I read Lucifer's Hammer last night (first Larry Niven book I have ever read--quite a book), and CG is figuring out plausibility.  He said that though my book has fantasy elements, it is important to incorporate hard science into it, as it becomes more believable. 

Well, off to take care of the day.  I feel better after writing this.  Today perhaps I may not cry.