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Sunday, April 06, 2014

voice, hiding today

My voice just would not work in singing definitely was "screw up and laugh at yourself night" for everyone.

I am astounded at both how far I have come in my emotional and physical healing in four months and how much certain things still hurt. My therapist said that if I ever feel I must apologize to someone for side effects of any treatment I need to stay alive, or tolerate someone's emotional abandonment or immaturity, hoping they will change, that I need to not allow that person anywhere in my life...she did say that some people do grow up, but  I will know that if they do.  I do believe in a person's capacity to change for the good.

What I have to look out for are crocodile tears, people who say they are getting help but are really blowing smoke, people who take advantage of me, and people who abandon me in the difficult times and only want to be around for the fun.  The qualities I just described applied a lot to my childhood environment, and I still gravitate to all that in people.  My determination is to first be a better person myself.  I think that will help.