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Thursday, April 17, 2014


I have had a long and tiring morning, beginning with a dental appointment at nine, 40 minutes from my house (I like the office, though, and am finally going to get a crown on a front tooth that has been discolored from a root canal). I need some work on my teeth, but not much, though what I am getting (two replacement crowns an an implant to replace a missing molar, removed through substandard dentistry years ago). Still, my copays are a bit high; as CG says, there is really no good dental insurance. At least they are finally re-establishing dental care for adults through MediCal, our state program that is now Obamacare for low income people. It affects me very little, but I am glad for the people who have not been able to get dental care for years. Proper dental care is extremely important for health, especially cardiac health.

I have been reconsidering CG's generous offer to support me and pay my health insurance premiums if I do not go back to work. Unfortunately, I have been considering that this is the wrong way to go. If something happens to him and I become the sole support of Thistle, she can probably still attend the school for gifted kids that she has been accepted to, but our lives may be very hard if I am just on disability. It will all be easier and better, no matter what my life circumstances, if I am able to work and have good benefits for myself. I also do not like being financially dependent on someone, unless that person is my spouse, and that is not on the horizon. My chronic illness has prevented me from working full-time since my diagnosis in 1993 (I was very ill with lupus when I was diagnosed and had to give up full-time teaching). I don't think any woman especially should be dependent on a partner who is not married to them: generally my history has been that they send up with pretty much everything for whatever reason and I am left back at square one: this past time, I ended up without my job partially due to severe stress in my circumstances, and here I am with just a disability income and my insurance ending in a few months. The fault is mostly mine, but had I not had immense stress, I think I might have avoided having to go on disability. But here I am, and I will, of course, make the best (and better) of my life.

Btw my Easter will be small...I am really tired of Christers who talk about how they are "in the light" or whatever and treat vulnerable people badly. I would rather consider this season as one of hope and the renewal of life, and how I can be an increasingly better person to myself and others....nothing more, nothing less.