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Saturday, June 21, 2014

Dr. Phil

I really rather dislike Dr. Phil--he seems to be an absolutely pompous windbag sometimes, and I absolutely dislike the marketing aspects of his show, but I've also seen him (once in a blue moon) give out pointed, succint, even excellent advice, and he does want people to take responsibility for themselves..  I read something that really helped me last night: on his site, there was a story of a woman whose husband had been arrested for a very heinous crime, and the wife was very conflicted, deeply grieving, and in shock--she said she was frightened and shocked by her continued feelings of affection for this man.  Dr. Phil told her that she is grieving the person she thought her husband was, the person she really wanted him to be.

And I realize this is at least part of the grief I, too, have been going through.  Definitely NOT the crime part, which isn't the case, but the life and happiness, family, friends...a whole life, in short, that just got shattered to was all not true.  That I could let myself be deceived for so long still really bothers me...I do not look at the world in the same way and never will again.  As I said a few posts ago, I will pick up my life again, and one of these days, I will feel whole again, and probably even healthy physically again. I am much better than I was in December, so that gives me hope for my eventual healing from all this.  It tires me to do this and I only have so much energy to give to it; I have to be a good mother to Thistle, get ready for all she needs for kindergarten, and take care of all the other aspects of my life, too.

Some days when the grief washes back into my life--there is much more ebb and flow now--I remind myself that I just have to put one foot in front of the other and I will accomplish the day.

But still, I have to ask: is this really what they meant to put me through?  One has to wonder.