Thanks, Casey

My friend I chat with online, who helps me so much, has decided he wants to be called Casey, in honor of Casey Kasem.

He is very supportive of my grief...it grows less, then I will have a difficult day or so. Casey remarked about something, that someone who made no effort to help me fix up my other house, or return to it in any way, someone who made zero effort to help me leave the situation I was in when he absolutely could have, sounds like someone who cared very little for my well being.

I told Casey I did not agree with him 100 percent, that I refused help, too, and that the person did care, very much.

"He should have seen you were ashamed and insisted " Casey said. He understands why I was embarrassed, though he said also that it would have been better for me to have let the person visit at my other house. Casey stayed there often with me years ago and used to work on the house when he came to town, as he likes stuff like that...he taught me how to replace window glass.

"I was afraid of his reaction," I said.

"His reaction might have been a trip to Home Depot, if he cared at all,"  he said. Casey loved my house but always punctuated his visits with a couple of trips to the hardware store.

"Well, I'll never know now," I said, but I know Casey is right. Somehow I became ashamed of my home even thought it is a very nice little place that I keep clean and tidy. I had no reason to be ashamed.

Stupid as all that is, muddled and inaccurate as the clarity is, at least I have someone to talk to late at night, when Thistle is in bed and the grief and loneliness are at the worst.

I am grateful beyond measure for my old friends.