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Wednesday, August 06, 2014

Cray-Cray 2

CG (formerly F. here..he does not want to have any references to his real name) saw I was still shaken, and so sick from chemo he did not want to go to work or his personal life...I told him if he did not, he wouldn't have either. He said to try and shuck off what an obviously unfair incident that was, that what happened said nothing about me and a boatload about the other.

Truly, when I was assaulted, CG was very good to me, though not perfect. I think when sexual assault happens to a friend, a partner, or anyone close, it is such a horrible aberration that everyone freaks out.  I should have had much more specific counseling for what happened; I started actually avoiding therapy.  Too, my bipolar disorder was kindled by it and it took time to find out what was wrong.  After being on Lamictal for many months now, I feel very good now and CG says I am much happier, with no more depression. He told me that it was like watching a flower slowly open. That is a very kind thing to say.

I think now that in this world, there are monsters, like the man who raped me, like the man who came out of the dark and and groped me, all the way up to the man who killed Asha. They would never consider themselves as such, but the underbelly of the world breeds monsters, and if you are willing to be part of it, to accept it into your heart and soul, you are one. In some ways, we all dip our toes in it, but most people realize when that happens. The true monsters feel comfortable there.

Thistle's finished her lunch and I feel a little better overall, and it is time to make this a good day.