To read an excerpt from the book, please click on the following link:

ashaveilbook.blogspot.com


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Daily

First off, the last set of blood tests came in, and my Vitamin D levels and more kidney function tests came back well within the normal range.  This is good news, as nine months ago, right after I quit work, I started sleeping...and sleeping...and sleeping.  This went on for three days.  My doctor was horrified because my kidneys, turned out, were in horrible shape and I was swelling, not thinking clearly because of all the garbage in my system the kidneys were not filtering out, and going deeper and deeper into sleep I was not getting out of.  I dreamed of all my relatives, including my mother, sister, and my father's mother, who welcomed me and gave me white flowers. I am certain I was getting steadily towards an edge I might not have come back from.

Then the detonation happened with the person in question within a tiny space of time after I started chemotherapy.  It is a testament to my strength and my sanity that I did not have a complete breakdown at this time, and that I did not die.

I have a reprieve from illness for now.  I do not know if that reprieve is strong enough to return to my job; I do not know if I have the wellness to return.  No one wants me to go back, but I don't see how I can support myself otherwise.  It's always a Hobson's choice...I can stay home and write a book that may never see a publisher (except that true crime is still very lucrative), or go back and have better income than very meager disability, and write my book as I go (it does help to have an office to do this in)...I have a little girl to raise and we cannot live in grinding poverty.  I do get a small stipend for adoption in October, which will help.  CG is pretty much off in his own world these days, which is fine, though I am grateful for the chance to continue to have this roof over my head, and Thistle's.  He does participate a great deal in her educational life and takes her for playdates often, which is a good reprieve for me.

In our co-parenting counseling today, CG promised to make sure Thistle is provided for if something happens to him, with help for her to continue in her school.  It was hard to say these things today, that there is nothing planned for us if something happens to him, and there will be no nice little private school for her, and if he wants to be her legal father, he has to provide for her if something happens to him.  I do think he listened.  I  had no one else who was interested in helping me when the time came for me to need a person to co-adopt and I am still grateful he stepped up to the plate. In many ways, because she is soon to be my legal daughter, her life is above my own.  And still, I have to decide whether work will hurt me or help.

Speaking of houses, I found a wonderful, though a bit expensive, primer for old walls in homes, and am going to use it in my Lompico home; it is a very good mold inhibitor and sinks deep into the plaster to really seal it up and prevent mold re-growth.  I am striving to get the furniture moved and sheeted so I can paint (it is only a 900 square foot house and I enjoy painting, so it is another project).  I have a lot still to do, but my frustration level with it  decreases when I find good materials to use in the repair process.

I was given Thistle's prenatal records yesterday after I signed her adoption papers. It was sad to read how much her parents tried; they brought her to the doctor regularly, always with concern over her health, and she did thrive and grow, but the nurse always noted that Thistle reeked of cigarette smoke.  It saddened me and I wonder if they will ever, ever get their lives together.  Thistle has phone contact with her mom, but not her dad, but no physical contact.  I do have every hope, though.

Anyways, my work with the book continues.  I found both of Asha's parents online; her dad runs some sort of hunting organization.  Hunting seems to be a very, very big deal in Poland (I pray that, when i visit, I don't have to go on a hunting expedition with him--I am a vegetarian, nearly a vegan, and hunting boars or whatever they do over there really freaks me out).  Her mom seems to have some sort of administrative work with a mining company.  I am pleased to see that Google Translate is much better than it was when I was researching documents in Italian on Google Translate ten years ago.

Not much else to report, though the news of my health makes me very happy!