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Sunday, September 28, 2014

Dance Hangover

The flaming-crown stained glass window across the hall from the stage at Desert Dance Festival.  Every time I did a sword dance, I looked at this.  It's not possible to look at the audience while balancing a sword, as you have to keep your head completely still or the sword goes "boom."

No, not a real hangover--I am the world's most abstemious person when it comes to drinking; I have a glass of wine with my writing group once or twice a month, and that's it (except for a notable bellydance performance where I had slivovitz beforehand, but those were rather rowdy women).  There   is always a full bar at Desert Dance Festival, by the way...I always thought that quite funny.

The hangover comes just from all the preparation, the adrenaline rush of performing, and the aftermath, which isn't a letdown, but more like a pleasant tiredness.  It takes an hour and a half to get my costume fully ready, and another hour and a half to unpack it all, and it's all worth it.  I'm going to miss the current incarnation of Desert Dance Festival (it was at the Portuguese Hall in Santa Clara).  I hope that there are more dance festivals here in Santa Cruz.  The economy has hit the dance community hard, and it is still recovering.  I do look forward to many more dance festivals and performances.  This is a part of my life that gives me such a huge amount of happiness.

On other subjects, the head of my department at San Jose State calculated that lecturers such as myself make 10 to fifteen dollars an hour if we are doing our outside grading properly.  This is patently awful, frankly.  I am wondering if it is even worth it to go back, though I hate not working a formal job.  I like telling people I teach at a university.  I like being called "Professor"--after living for years and years on disability and public assistance, that was a step up that meant everything to me, after working hard to get my MFA.

Anyways, these ruminations are just that.  I am going to return to the book today, as I had a huge anxiety attack over it.  I apologize for all the angst around it--I am glad that I am getting a few good things with my writing, such as being published in Catamaran, because I came to doubt myself very much as a writer in the last few months.  I am glad this is changing.  I think any good writer goes through these certain struggles.