Personal note to someone: perhaps you should work on the relationship you actually had for four and a half years instead of kicking them out the door for the last nine months and pretending they don't exist, and the relationship never existed. What you are looking for does not exist out there: you already had it...in fact, you may still. You gave it up for phantoms, but those phantoms are gone--in fact, every place and every time is gone into the nothingness, yet we ourselves are still here. I have seen many, many people rebuild again--the operant word is "rebuilt" into something newer than it was.
There is no such thing as a relationship that works all on its own. There are only people willing to work on the relationship. It is like you keep looking up the wrong end of the horse all the time.
As for miracles, you had one, right in your hands...and who is to say that miracle has ceased? Who is to say it is gone?
I'm waiting. Remember that. No matter how far or near I go in life, you have my heart and always will. Love is not romance....that is for the first year or so...and then, it is real life, it is messy, sometimes ugly, and sometimes one wakes up and says, "I can do better, can't I?" and discover perhaps you already had "better". It is the deep caring you thought was not love--but it is love itself. It is staying put and working, which is my personal, lifelong regret. There is no rift that cannot be mended, no problem that cannot be worked on, no mistake that cannot be forgiven, nothing that cannot be fixed in some way. There is no impossible-ness.
That is my story and I am sticking to it.
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