To read an excerpt from the book, please click on the following link:

Saturday, September 06, 2014


I'm planning to see Wicked in San Jose (unfortunately given my illness, I can't really say definitely even though I have a ticket--still very excited and I am sure I will make it)!!  I don't really like going by myself, but I need a treat, and my therapist said it is really important to take breaks from this book.  It is such dark, terrifying material.

Chapter headings so far:

1) Prologue/Paradise
2) The Sati Gate
3) Counting the Bones (begins with me seeing divers go into the San Lorenzo river the night Asha was found).

For the last nine months, I have felt so much that everyone I know is harboring terrible secrets, that everyone around me lies, does horrible secret things, etc.  I feel as if the person who tells everyone I am crazy is being believed--and then I hear from people who tell me they love me and they do not believe this person.  These are people from dance classes to my old writing group, who is having a little celebration with me in Campbell on the 23rd.  They want me to come back!!  There will be a point when the the person in question can and should be told that I have a place there, and that the person in question can either be there to critique The Book of Jezebel (the Asha book is too graphic and is going to my other writing group), or he can sit it out and bitch to himself in his house. I will NEVER be told again that I can't go somewhere because someone is deciding to be an ass. The group says they love me, they love my writing, and miss me.  The one who hates me is just an echo calling back to himself.  It is hard to be hated like this by a person who once was one of the closest persons to me, but I do not have to take it in.  I have had people call me all kinds of things in my life, and nobody who really loves me believes them.

If I walk with integrity in the world, if I simply act as I am, I do not succumb to this person's anger against me--because all it is, is anger.  Anger cannot kill me.  My problems cannot put me in prison for the rest of my life.  I am not the one with that potential, and never will be, and I am not in denial about how serious my bipolar could get if I don't stay on top of it.  And I hope that the person in question is.

And above all, I understand best of all that people do not stay angry forever. I have to be ready to say, "I am sorry," and receive it back if Spirit wills it so.

 I have seen so much forgiveness happen in the last year that I am beginning to think nearly all things are possible.

They are.