To Work or Not, Again

I have my new work schedule and am appreciative of the hours, which will enable Thistle to not be in endless afterschool care...still, she will be there until late in the afternoon.  The schedule coordinator gave me an hour and a half break in between classes to eat lunch and have an office hour so I do not have to be there too early or work too late.  I know she worked hard to accomodate me. I really appreciate her.

Still, as I add up the hours and the expenses...bus, afterschool care, etc., it is barely lucrative to work.  All those things eat up more than half of what I would clear when I am working, and I am left with two hundred dollars to show for what is usually a mountain of work--I remember someone contemptuously telling me that I don't know what it is like to work fulltime: true, I work MORE than fulltime some days when I teach.  I do like being with my students and I like working.  I am only afraid that I will get sicker if I do this.  I am afraid that I will not be able to write with the workload, even if I have a TA to handle some of the grading.  My doctor does not want me to go back because he told me this last office visit that he was very afraid for my health in November, and he does not act the fearmonger.  I nearly did not live through that experience, and I have to take that to heart. 

So, this will be a week of thinking very deeply as to whether I want to really teach again, and then be as content as I can with the decision.  Millions of people become disabled every day, and I have been lucky to have had an excellent teaching career despite my considerable health problems.  I can still reach lives through writing and working with the kids in Thistle's school.

Anyways, on with the writing tonight, after everyone goes to bed.  I dawdled a bit this afternoon, but it was nice to dawdle, a little.