Disencouragement

I have to say that I am very discouraged tonight about the book.  I get like this periodically, and it is part of the process.  I am just processing some things that happened in the last couple of weeks which respresent a change in direction. Changes in direction are fine. I have always had them in whatever I wrote. 

I think what saddens me more is going back to the criminal records about the murder trial, and read what Asha's life seemed to be like in the last year or two of her life.  I hope she had some happy times; there seemed to be so many ones that would floor someone who did not have her strength.  Sometimes I think that I keep going with this book because she had the strength to keep going forward, with her pregnancy and her life, and whatever strength I have to summon to dive into these pages, it is nothing compared to the strength she had to find in herself so often here in Santa Cruz. This is what I believe.