Time

I was up in my Lompico house most of the evening, sanding the inside of the first cabinet I will paint with Kilz .  I do not like the "old summer cabin" smell of the cabinets and want to get rid of  that.  Sanding is quite meditative.  I will probably put a new finish on the cabinets when done.  I do not like to unduly praise myself, but I am doing a good  job with all the DIY repair in the little house.  It is hard work, but very pleasing and good for self-esteem.  I hope to have all the repairs I can do personally and all the cleanups done by the end of summer, and the carpets cleaned (taking advantage of the hot weather).  It is a relatively tiny house at 950 square feet.  It would fit into the top of CG's house, easily.

 But it is mine, and in my little safe, snug house, Asha Veil comes to me more easily to tell her story.  I cry there at times, though, for all I failed to do as a mother and, when I was married, a wife.  Given that I still have PTSD from a violent rape so many decades later from the experience (though it is much better now and quiescent in my daily life)., one might infer how it affected me when I was younger. I relived it nearly every night in my sleep; I have not had a nightmare in well over a year and a half, and rarely before then, but in those years, fear and helplessness stalked my sleep.

I sometimes tell people that 100 percent of this book--maybe 200 percent--is being written on faith alone. I have no idea if Asha's husband will speak to me (there is some information about that I do not wish to share here), or her family.  At night, I have candles I light on my windowsill, and have been doing this for many years.  One candle is of Pope John Paul II,  because he is the patron saint of Poland  and I ask him every night to help me speak to Asha's husband and family, but only if it will not do more harm than good. I ask for the money to go there if it is in Spirit's will. At every step of the way, I have to monitor my integrity and my intent with this.  I turn to spiritual sources often for the things I need these days, and often those prayers are answered.

In other news, I have to make up a choreography in the next 24 hours for a phrase in a song in one of my dance classes.  I have to say that I really do NOT like the song.  It takes eight bazillion years to get to the phrase I am choreographing, and I am not even sure I am doing it right at all...but all it means, if I did something wrong, is that I tried, and will do better next time.  My teacher isn't going to shoot me for not getting the choreography right (I think she may have foisted something rather difficult on us, too, perhaps challenging for the newbies in class).

So, a lot of things to do with writing and very little time to do it in!  My Thistle is very demanding this summer, as I am the chief cook, bottle washer, and entertainment committee.  I am very much enjoying Thistle's time at the beach with me, for one thing: the first time she saw waves, she flipped out., and now she is becoming very bold about being in the (shallow part) of the ocean--so much so that when the water got rough, she wouldn't stop sitting down in the water, and kept getting knocked down when the water pulled back.  We had a long talk about respecting the ocean, and that it was not like a swimming pool!

Well, off to the choreography....