I had one huge screw-up in my performance with my dance troupe, which I had to cover. I am not blaming anyone, but the type of dance I do is improvisational, and we change dance movements through cues from each dancer--that is essentially part of it. There is always a lead dancer, and the one in my group did not give a clear cue, in my opinion. I am not blaming her, but it was part of the screw-up, and is a move that is easy to screw up. I have to figure out how to cover it, as I also don't pick it up in class very well.
So, I gave an excellent performance otherwise, and what do I focus on? The screw up! It's time to start turning off some of those critical sides of myself. I have them for everything: the way I failed to be a good mother to my children in every way (they deserved no less and I know I could have done better), keeping the house spotless, and other ways I can't let go of having done something "wrong". It is nearly impossible to let some things go, and even immoral to do so, but there are small areas I can let go: such as doing a wrong step in a dance. In fact, no one blamed me but myself. If anyone did secretly, their day for a screw-up is coming. I've seen the person who invented this dance make royal screw-ups. It's a performing art.
So, I forgive myself and move on to just trying to do better.
Here is a picture of me from the performance, still a proud and happy dancer despite it all.
My name is Joan McMillan and this blog is, as Emily Dickinson says, "my letter to the world." I am currently working on a nonfiction book about the murder of a young woman, Asha Veil, born Joanna Dragunowicz, and her unborn daughter, Anina, on September 9, 2006. My book is meant to honor her life and illuminate the need to create a safer world for women and children.
To read an excerpt from the book, please click on the following link:
ashaveilbook.blogspot.com
An excerpt from The Pleasure Palace, my romantic comedy, can be found here:
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