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Sunday, August 13, 2017

No News Is Not Good News

Some people have asked me to update my blog. I realize I haven't updated in a couple of weeks.

Sorry, readers: I have little good news. I was doing better, but not anymore.

My original shoulder injury, acquired around the end of May, got much better by the end of July. I did not get physical therapy due to an insurance run around and did not have an MRI, just did the one exercise my doctor showed me, lots of heat via one of those heat pillow things that you heat in the microwave, Advil, and sleeping somewhat uprightish. I was still supposed to be careful. There was still some pain, but it usually went away once I got more mobile during the day. My doctor said it was okay to just watch it and make sure I was making steady progress. Dancewise, I was still modifying my arm movements in Haitian dance, but those are demanding and I felt I would get back to them, in time. I was still scared, as I have written before.

I gave a fairly good performance with Dancers of the Crescent Moon...actually, an excellent one. I was careful not to carry luggage and I used a rolling bag. There was some pain when I put on the costume top, which is hard to get on at best. A fellow dancer helped tug down the most problematic part (the back).

And now, here it is...drum roll, everyone...I AGAIN was at the Tannery again a couple of days ago, chatting with a friend. AND...

I tripped over the walkway curb, not in the very same place, but close. Sailed over in what I can only describe as a perfect arc.

And fell again, into a parking space, only harder than before, onto my right arm, hip, and shoulder, and getting skinned hands to boot. If I had fallen just right, I would have hit my head (just like last time). I rolled over on my back and started crying. A friend took me to Urgent Care about an hour after.

Because I'm nothing but clumsy, or just not watching because I am always gabbing with people on the way out. Or because my adrenaline is so high after dance that I am not watching anything. Or because the curb is so low it is hard for me to see it.

My shoulder, by the way, started making these creepy, sort of popping noises, though it is not broken. My hip is okay. They don't think my spine re-fractured either of those times, though that is always the risk (I injured my spine in a hiking accident). Somehow I have never hurt that again.

I have an MRI scheduled for Tuesday (pain level is pretty bad, so justified, sooner rather than later). Physical therapy starts next week also. I have pretty much stayed in bed, though I when I get up to use the bathroom, etc. I do the arm exercises (they involve bending over at the waist and swinging the arm like a pendulum).

It is going to be a long time before I am at all back to any form of normalcy, no matter what. This is not back to square one. This is back to square negative one, or ten, or whatever.

Rather ludicrously, my regular doctor cautioned me the next day about being older and the increased chance of falling. No kidding. He suggested yoga. Er...not right now.

 The results this time? I can't:

1) Lift my arm to shoulder height without pain that says, "No further." Hard to describe, but like one of those doors that slams down over a castle gate: thou shalt go no further. Similar to last time, but worse pain.

2) Rotate my arm all the way around (rotator cuff, right?)

3) Make one false move or I get pain radiating from my shoulder blade to my bicep...that relentless tendon pain. This is worse pain than before, but in a different spot, near the scar where I had surgery years ago. Was it always weak there, after?

4) Reach up to brush my hair, put on a shirt, etc.

5) The only real painless place for my arm is in this position (I am in bed, typing away),  and in the position for the rotator cuff exercise (bending over and making a circle with the arm held straight, like a pendulum). Expect more blog posts, because sitting on my rear and typing away is about all I can do right now.

It's like everything before, plus more.

I could not go to my father's memorial service in L.A. because of the not-traveling thing my doctor said to do until I get an MRI.  I feel horrible about not going...tonight, around ten, I was doing the ice-and-heat routine, when I felt a well of sadness open up, like a black hole. It's as if the grief was saying hello and marking the place in my body where the grief about him will live forever. I miss my dad and feel that now there will be a harder time with closure than I bargained for.

There are probably other things I am going to miss, but that is the one which hurts and angers me the most. I don't care about dance or anything else. That can come back in time. I had one chance to see his service. Granted, I did go to Oklahoma, but I wanted to go to both.

By the way, why do the Tannery people have that curb at all?? It's not like they have rare flowers growing in that part of the property. One of my friends suggested that I call the director of the Tannery and tell them what happened, and perhaps they can paint the curb. I've seen a couple of people trip, but not like I did, though my friend E. said she fell in the parking lot a few months ago, though not tripped up by a curb.

And the other questions: am I just subconsciously sabotaging everything I want to do with my life right now, from going to something important like a memorial service, to being fully engaged with dance, to simply brushing my own hair? Am I trying to punish myself? Heck, is the Tannery haunted and a poltergeist just keeps pushing me down? Is there a vortex to the underworld there? Is the hot air spewing out of Donald Trump's mouth traveling across the country, knocking everyone down in its wake?

Okay, now I am being deliberately silly. The truth is likely the most simple: I was gabbing, I was full of adrenaline, I was not paying any sort of attention, maybe even something to do with the fact that I was wearing the same shoes as before, which is not so great.

And I fell, again. Occam's razor, after all: the simplest answer is the best.

More updates as the days go on.

And yes, I have some political things to write about which makes my doubly-injured shoulder seem like nothing. As I said, because I can do not much more than sit here and type, I'll regale you perhaps tomorrow. Right now, rest.