I am grieving the death of my father--my only living parent since 2007--and the holidays are difficult. I am doing too much to numb myself to the reality of the holiday, and am extremely grateful that we have just one holiday to get through.
I don't even think I've come to the point of touching the grief...I have cried with a trusted friend who lost his father when he was 22. I don't wish to burden people further (except for those who come to this blog, who always have the option of not reading it). I know many friends of mine would be kind about it, yet at the same time, just don't want to put a shovelful of dirt on a shiny celebration, as it were.
The truth is, grief can feel like floating around on an iceberg when the rest of the world is experiencing spring. And yet the truth is, there are many, many people trying to put on brave faces this year. The government and society in general are having continuous upheavals, and I would wager that many, many people are feeling stressed simply because of that.
Will next year be different for me? Yes, because everything changes. I believe our country will either be more insane and oppressed next year, or on the way to restoring some sort of sanity. We will be farther along with the Mueller investigation (btw, Mueller is not someone I'd ever want to play against in a chess match: I'd be toast in about five moves, if that).
There are some positive things I am trying to do in this time, not the least of which is attending a drop-in support group (which operates the whole year) through our local hospice). If you are grieving during the holidays, your local hospice organization might very well be a place to find a group where you can be with others experiencing grief.
I'm, above all, not going to try and push myself too hard this season. That is probably the essence of getting through this time.
