Much sadness: a day without email is like a day without sunshine, lol. Then I get edgy: what the hell did I do now...when something else was the case: no wireless, phone misplaced, in transit, then here I am again. Sometimes they come in late at night: a large time difference separates us. I conjure phantoms I tell no one, nag no one about, knowing that worries are just that: ghosts. I don't want to haunt anyone: the gentleness shown me is the gentleness I will return. I don't know what is going to happen, what's the path: what is, is good beyond anything I hoped for.
Then a dragonfly sticker in the window of where they are staying: it says these days are different, don't fear. They know this is the most potent symbol I have: the one my sister and I made a pact around. If I die first, I will send you the sign of a dragonfly, to know there is a life beyond this one, to say we are here. Lonely and sad despite email after email, my heart rises when they send me a sticker of a dragonfly in the apartment they are in: complete serendipity. I don't feel so lonely. Above any person except myself, they know what it means to me
Not even telling them I miss them because I don't want to ruin things, even though the night before they left I held them close--they are so light now, so fragile-feeling; it really scares me--and said I would really, really miss them, and they said the time will pass quickly, they will be back soon. So they know, and even though I don't say it, and I don't write it, at least not yet, I do: I miss you.
