Finishing a beautiful, transcendent Haitian dance class a few weeks ago, I started to leave in bliss. Someone I waited for got into a conversation with an old friend of his he hadn't seen in some time. I talked to the old friend's wife, but then overheard the two men giggling like middle-schoolers about overseas places that seem to be beyond strip clubs and places of that ilk: basically places of prostitution where they can get their rocks off. Of course they think the women there are happy to service them--what are the women going to do, say they don't like it and not get any money? They are PAID to stroke the men's ego, among other things. I don't expect them to understand the amount of sex trafficking of young women in those places, especially oversead: as far as the guys were concerned, it was all good as long as they got their rocks off.
The person I was waiting for happily said, "Thanks! I might visit there!" (meaning one of those places) with a great big, sleazy, oily grin--God, I will never forget the look on the face of someone I stupidly thought was a bit more enlightened than most. He said earlier that he had no money to give me to help keep an eye on his house while he was away. But apparently he's got plenty of cash to tip some unfortunate woman who has to grind against him and a bunch of guys to make money.
All in earshot of me and the man's wife. Not giving a crap if we heard them.
I confronted my friend later--his disrespectful actions hurt more than anything I'd experienced in the last year or so. I care about the women in those places and maybe even about what compels HIM to want to act in the way he wants to. Most of the women I know who ever worked in that industry were disgusted by the men and laughed at them behind their backs, and wanted to get the f**k out of that life. That this speaks also to women's employment and ability to make money says a lot, too. Did the men I heard that night ever think of that? No, the servicing was all.
I felt ugly. I felt sexually assaulted, in a way. I felt demeaned. I felt like a slab of meat.
My friend apologized over and over, but who knows if that was real? I accepted it as real. I hope he heard me. This is a man I have taken years to really trust again. Does he even deserve it, given how much he hurt me? The other guy I avoided--what a creepy man! I mean, you randomly see a friend you haven't seen in many years and suddenly talk about places where you can get serviced? How frickin sleazy is THAT? And also, the guy-who-hadn't-seen-my-friend-in-years ordered his poor oppressed wife to get going when it was time to leave--I saw that and was very sad for her sake.
"But he is a nice guy!" said my friend later, when we spoke in the parking lot.
BS. Nice guys don't talk like that in front of women, EVER. I mean, the guy's wife was standing there!! I was standing there!!
What I should have said to both of them is this: women are not for sale and that any man who thinks that had better start considering his attitude towards ALL women.
I'm sick of sexism. I'm sick of women being seen as basically good for nothing but men's use.
We all have to think about this issue. Yes, I must say that I do NOT judge the women who have to work in these circumstances--but I DO judge the men that night. I hope some day, something enlightens them. My friend kept saying, "Sorry," over and over and over after I talked about it...did he understand how bad I felt? I hope so.
Such sickness in a world where some people think it's fine that women can be bought and sold.
