
My friend and brilliant professor Harvey died yesterday morning at 1:45. I am deeply sad and will miss him so deeply.
He had been doing better last week, but began to experience further complications and died at Stanford Hospital after a night of
tremendous struggle. I am deeply filled with admiration for how much he tried to live and stay in the world--I could always sense how much he loved life and how much he did not want to leave.
I could not sleep last night for a long time; I am still very numb about it all. When I did, I had a dream about being in his house with his wife--she was grieving, but okay, and was cooking a meal. I went into the living room and saw that all my bellydance jewelry was all over the floor, as well as a carton of talcum powder that I remembered from my childhood. There was a beautiful little toddler girl int he room--she looked to be about a year old-- with blonde hair; she was trying to pick up the jewelry and also coins from a padded white stepstool, so I picked up the jewelry, took the coins out of her hands (telling her these weren't good for her), and led her over the couch, where she started to walk around and inspect the couch and the coffee table. Suddenly I saw Harvey, looking much younger and very well, sitting on the back of the couch with his feet on the couch seat. We both commented on how cute the little girl was, and Harvey wondered why his wife wasn't talking to him. Suddenly I sensed that Harvey didn't know he was dead. So I asked him if he knew what was going on, and he said, looking a little confused, "No, I don't." I asked him to look me in the eyes, which he wouldn't do for a minute, and when he finally did (his eyes were very green in the dream), I said, "You died, Harvey." He looked shocked and said, "Oh, dear! When did that happen?" I told him that it was at 1:45 yesterday morning and that he'd had a heart attack. He looked off to the side and said, "But I've always been able to survive those things in the past!" I told him I was sorry and he said it was okay and thanked me for telling him. Then he sighed very softly and vanished. I woke up a little shaken, to say the least.
Anyway, his memorial service is this week and I am very sad, but relieved that his considerable sufferings on this earth are over. Still, I will miss Harvey for the rest of my life.
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