Into the Light of Forgiveness, and Out Again

Forgiveness has been on my mind lately, ever since I posted yesterday. I was brought back to one of my most wonderful memories of grad school, when a bunch of us went out to dinner at Original Joe's with Al Young (now the poet laureate of California). I have to say that one of the best things about my MFA program is that I got to meet so many wonderful writers--Al Young, Billy Collins, Russell Banks, Michael Chabon, Molly Giles, Simon Winchester. I loved Al so much--he actually was one of the first who told me I needed to really write my family stories.

At any rate, during our dinner, Al told us of a friend with whom he had terrible conflict; they weren't speaking and things were very bad between them. Someone suggested that he just sit down each day and spend a few minutes sending forgiveness to them, in whatever way that took. And, lo and behold, one day the friend appeared on Al's doorstep.

"I don't even know why I'm here," he said. But, however it happened, it worked.

I find that when I forgive people who have harmed my life in some way, it doesn't mean we are going to hang out at Starbuck's together from then on. Sometimes it does, but not always. It simply means I am learning to stop poisoning myself with resentment. Constant living in anger is unproductive for me and I get nothing accomplished except a constant "mad-on." Forgiving someone doesn't always mean I will be in contact with them again, especially a person whose behavior indicates to me that they are a danger to my mental or physical well-being. It means I create a different space in my heart so that I can move on in my life. There are days and weeks I can't--I grumble, resist, don't want to be good or live in light, I roll backwards into shadow, but always move a step or two forward again.