Thinking Ahead

Boy, a word of wisdom to everyone: don't die unexpectedly. My sister's death (on July 20th) has caused a huge amount of shock and pain to everyone, including my elderly father, who turns eighty tomorrow. I am sure he never thought one of his children would precede him in death. I know she did not mean to cause us this pain and of course I am not blaming her--I am just dealing with lots of shock and am walking around like a zombie.

What comforts me is that my sister did NOT die alone in her apartment, as I first thought. She had been able to get to the hospital late the night before, and died cared for and hopefully unaware at the end of what was happening to her. I was so afraid when I heard an initial report that she had died in her apartment alone--something she too had feared.

Some of my cherished relatives read this blog and I want to apologize for being so slow in getting back to people. There has been a lot to take care of. I see a grief counselor starting tomorrow. Since August 2007, this is the fourth death I have been through--three of the deaths were sudden, and all were people close to me. I would strongly recommend grief counseling for any loss of this kind, but especially sudden loss. It is like being hit with a fifty-pound hammer.

Cherished readers, make sure that if you have a will, it is up to date and that, if you have occasion to go to the hospital sometimes--ie if you have a chronic condition--that you make sure to put family members on your emergency contact list. I was not called to be with my sister in her last moments, not even to say goodbye on the phone, because the hospital did not have me on the list of people to call. I would have loved the opportunity to say goodbye to both my sister and my mother, and I know they would have loved for this to happen, too.

My garden is blooming, the weather is gorgeous, and life is going on all around me--yet my sister is gone. I am comforted by the fact that I know she is in a better place. She will never grow old now, and I will--a strange feeling, to be sure.