Not working right now is hard to get my mind around as the semester approaches, but there is the real sense I have made the right decision now. I feel fine, with no chemotherapy effects (except the bald spots which are now filling in with fine, fuzzy hair) even though I am still on Imuran (lifelong, most likely), as I have NO pain or debility anywhere in my body now, completely. I feel like all the physical exercise and dance is really "showing" through the pain and stiffness that always seemed to cover it. This drawing reminds me of the possibility of healing. I want to remember this and not that my sister died of the illness we shared. I know for sure she would have wanted me to live and thrive.
We cannot prevent all the bad things in the world from happening. We can, however, choose our responses as best we can, and when we blow it (as I did spectacularly, and abundantly, recently), we can make amends to the people we have hurt, try to forgive them and ourselves, and move forward. There is only moving forward, not back. Everyone makes mistakes, and I would like to think that people are the sum of their goodness and not of their errors. I am glad I have the Course in Miracles to support what I am starting to learn, and I am extremely grateful for the time to spend thinking about my life and what I want to do with this expanse of real time.