Not Ready for Concerts

I had the money, time, and childcare for a concert tonight by Stellamara, one of my very favorite groups, and I could not muster anything but sadness towards seeing live music (one thing I used to do with the person I am grieving).  I would need a group of friends to go with--being a lone person at these events signals, "I am alone."  It's obvious, and I am not one of those folks who thinks I can do nothing without other people with me,but it's not something I want to augur into my heart yet.  Maybe in a few months, or a year.

In better news, I planted my entire garden, finally, today, and moved soil from some big half-whiskey barrels on the front deck, prior to moving those down to the deck this weekend, filling them with soil, and planting a bunch of vegetable starts in them, plus a few sunflowers.

Tonight I will do what my "griever" will never do, play with a grandchild who loves me.  I will cook dinner and put her to bed with a story and a song; I will write and then I will lie down in the backyard on my new pink lounge chair, to watch the Cameleopardis meteor shower.  These things are mine, and I must remember that these precious things are from the life I have created, and that I did not deserve the cruelty and indifference with which I was treated.  I did not even know it or really understand it fully, and I think I am getting better at recognizing it now.

And that's all for tonight--I hope all my readers enjoy their Memorial Weekend!