Cobra into Dove

The phrase "a cobra changing into a dove" is a phrase I use when friends with whom I have become estranged, including exes, re-enter my life and seem to want to be friends.  I have had the distinct unpleasure in the past of having someone once in a relationship with me, return and pay attention to me, simply for the reason that they have an agenda, usually to make another person jealous in order to see what their feelings are, or rope them in...something on that order.  There's no regard at all for my status as a human being, for my feelings, etc., or the other person.  It has left me wondering if I've said something wrong, etc., if making someone jealous was not the case.

I think now that if he really has someone roped in, I'm not useful anymore, and so goodbye. I had this in the back of my mind all along. I sadly hope this is not the case...but when he broke contact with me a year and a half ago, I actually had to ask him, after he simply disappeared, what was going on, and he said he wanted a break in communication...without even saying that to me beforehand, thus making me feel like a complete fool.   In a week, if I have not heard from him, I am going to write him a note...I hate doing things like this online...telling him goodbye for now, leaving him my phone number if he ever wants to really get in touch with me, and, hard as that will be, leave it at that.  These things tear at my self-esteem, and I have a book to write and a life to pursue. I'm trying to be a healthy person in mind and body. 

All of this really is, so far, nothing but a nagging suspicion.  This was, truth be told, a person who once told me he was glad to be rid of me, albeit a year and a half ago.  It is hard for me to lose all the negative things he's said, also, in the past--some are actual scars. There has been no apology for any of it, at all, and that is very difficult for me.  I apologized practically on my knees to him, because that is the person I am. I've been walking on eggshells around him right now, very afraid I will say the wrong thing...and I am left wondering if I have.  I wagered that maybe he had been walking that same way, too, if this was actually an exchange with some integrity.

One of my friends told me that it's often nearly impossible for a cobra to change into a dove, not with a lot of work.  She is the one who said I need to be mindful that he might be using me, as I need to be with anyone who has done negative things to me in the past.

I hope for the best, am willing to see what happens, but will always have this in the back of my mind until proven otherwise.