More Time

Though I have to get up at the ungodly hour of 6:45 from now until next June to get Thistle to school on time, I have deep gratitude that I will have more time to write, and to look for agents, and do as much work as I can on my Lompico house before winter sets in, especially the outside work.  I don't know if any agent will pick up what I have right now in terms of Asha's book.  I doubt I am welcome yet at my old writing group and am afraid of inflicting on them a work which discusses the extreme violence against women which this book holds (even though I am most descriptive of my assault when I was a young woman than anything else).  It's one thing to write about elves killing each other with swords and axes, vampires murdering people in horrible ways, and other destruction involving fantasy characters.  It is another thing entirely to present something that happened to a living, breathing person and an innocent child.  My current writing group, though not perfect, can handle such material.  We are all over fifty and have been through a lot of life.

By the way, a question: why are people such assholes about the way people react (women and men) about sexual assault in general, when they would never, ever react that way if someone was hit, or robbed, etc.  Is it because of the "consent" part?  The fact that some people go into denial and shock after it happened and around the person, try to make things "right," etc. has been dismissed many times as "evidence" that it wasn't rape, but someone just having regrets the next day?  Yes, there are false claims, and I am not saying there are not.  But many women, including myself, try to "make things right" or "pretend them away" as a reaction to any kind of assault, or they stay with or around their abusers.  It is a fundamental aspect of this book: why women stay, why they go, how their minds try to protect them through denial, and also, perhaps, what happens to men if I can get one or two interviews.  The few men I know who have told me about being assaulted in this way (who have been able to talk about it) have enormous shame and often confustion, and can't really find ways to talk about it.

My therapist has cautioned me to be very careful about keeping myself on an even keel as I delve into this book.I agree:  and yet I can't wait to embrace it again with my whole heart.