Last Things

My sister's memorial service was held last weekend; many people had a share in putting it together, from the actual service to beautiful flower arrangements, and I wrapped the container holding my sister's ashes in a beautiful silk scarf Mr. Strega bought me years ago in Singapore. Her ashes will be scattered in the near future at Point Reyes.

And that is it--how final it is! I do still feel my sister's loving presence, as I believe in an afterlife and that the consciousness and the spirit both live on after death--but I will never see her again. I have not yet dreamed of her, though I dreamed of my mother and some others who have passed on, all reassuring me that Maryanne is okay and happy in the world beyond this one.

It is hard to believe my sister is gone, that her life is over, and that all the plans she had for her life are gone, too,and that her apartment is being packed up and rented to another person. It truly has been a sad and difficult life-changing experience for those left behind, and has caused me to create a lot of questions for my own life. My sister had a full life, despite her illness, and had many things she still wanted to do.

I think that is part of an all-too-human trait of thinking that life is going to happen at some future time, that life is going to somehow arrive with all the things we ever wanted to do placed at our feet. It's a simple fact that we do not have all the time in the world--nobody gets out of this life alive, sadly enough. You have to make your life what you want it to be, simple as that.

For myself, the first thing I am doing is updating my will with a loving heart, really giving thought to what I want done with my personal effects. I also have chosen my executor plus two trusted family members to help with my estate. I have seen from experience that choosing friends as executors whom you've used as an unpaid therapist for your feelings about your family can result in horrible problems once you are gone--and I mean awful, and immensely painful for family and other friends. Think carefully as to what you want done with your property, and my advice is: DON'T make a will when you are angry. It will come back to haunt your loved ones in a way that your restless ghost could never do!!

I am also going to pre-pay my funeral expenses and purchase my burial plot if I can--I have no desire to impose a monetary burden on those left behind. I pray I live a long and healthy life, but I do know that at some point, my life will end and arrangments have to be made. Just to give you an idea of how expensive funerals are, my mother's cost over six thousand dollars--we split the cost between five siblings, but it cost a pretty penny AND she got a special deal because the funeral director knew our family and their business has been serving us since the turn of the last century--it would have been much more otherwise.

Grief is a very strange thing, I've found. I go from shock to sadness, to thinking my sister is still alive somehow and can shed light on everything, to a sense of calm peace that at least her body and spirit are no longer in pain. It is a journey, one I keep starting on with different friends and loved ones.