asthma again

My dear readers, please be patient with me as I post about my ongoing struggles with asthma. I had two bouts in the last few days which required trips to the hospital, high amounts of IV steroids, breathing treatments, more adjustment of my meds, and a long-term steroid course to try and get my lungs to eliminate the inflammation. Right now, I can no longer handle tobacco smoke, petroleum-based perfumes from anything, including shampoo, housecleaning products (hurrah for Dr. Bronner's soaps and baking soda), or basically any artifical scent or fumes, and cannot go outside for more than about fifteen minutes because even going outside triggers the attacks. I can no longer work or sleep in a room without a HEPA air purifier, so I have ordered one for my home and my bedroom and will probably get one for my office at work, too.

My doctor has upgraded (downgraded?) my asthma to "chronic". Hopefully my new meds will help. I cannot continue on the prednisone doses I am receiving without eventual long-term damage in other ways.

I keep hoping things will get better. I used to love things like perfumes, and now only use essential oils--which are much nicer and actually feel very healing to me.

But on top of it all--hey, I got two classes for next semester, English 1A. BTW, it's not a downgrade from Intro to Creative Writing--the department rotates the class amongst the faculty, and I'll likely have another turn next year.

I guess my thought for today is--no one and nothing lives forever. I did sense a strange shift in me in the last few days, that it was time to stop acquiring things because I can take none of this with me, that I at least need to really consider the things I add to my life. It feels deeply appropriate, actually. We take nothing, not even our bodies, on the great adventure. And that is okay with me. And whether it is true or not that some great change is coming to me, there is no question it will arrive one day--so I remind myself that every day is a jewel and a gift, and I can learn to dance with joy on the edge of the abyss. In Tarot, the Fool who steps off the cliff into the unknown often is depicted carrying a white rose he has received from the Shekinah; she gave it to him at the crest of the Tree of Life in the Garden of Eden. It has always been my favorite image on the card. The Fool is always depicted as smiling before he steps into a reality that is unseen, but can be trusted on an intuitive level.

Namaste!