I spent most of the day writing a poem about the lunar eclipse (mingled with loss, and wonder). I am still angry, still sad, still feel deceived and deeply hurt, still feel I have lost my identity, but this is getting better. I am weaving more and more into a new, tentative life. I did not want to leave my old life behind, but as Sugar says in The Crimson Petal and the White, "I was pushed."
But tonight, I am listening to RadioLab with CG, relaxing, and may watch Nicholas and Alexandra before bed. CG has asked me what I want to do tomorrow. I don't know,,,but I know it will involve my curious little family. I am grateful for what I have. Compared to so much in the world, I have a perfect life--even with lupus, even with chemotherapy, even so...my life is as much a paradise as I make it, emotionally, even when I am not in control of the circumstances.
And that's all for tonight, live from Planet Joanie.
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