Sometimes going up to Palo Alto for treatment these days will touch on the deeper feelings about someone. I feel myself pulling away and yet there are reminders; I can't go much into detail, but among other things, I learned to ice skate at the Winter Lodge in Palo Alto. In fact, I began to really like it as both cross training and fun stress relief. I got sidelined by illness and a dance injury for long periods of time, but I always wanted to go back, and did. Then things happened and I mentioned to my psychiatrist today that one thing I am still sad about is that I cannot go to the Winter Lodge again (it is a simple outdoor rink and easy to negotiate).
Well, she, in her inimitable way, gave me an assignment: a regular skating day at the Winter Lodge when the season reopens. I could even go after therapy on Fridays as there is an afternoon session. Plus I would not have to hear yet again how awful and scared I was when I first learned...I am glad I never need to hear that ever again (not once was I given credit for having the courage to try again and succeed. It hurt, but honestly, skating was so fun I did not care after awhile that everything harked back to that one night).
"If someone has a problem with it, tell them to shove it." she said. "This person and their family do not own Palo Alto. They do not own the skating rink. You can tell them when you will be there so they don't have to look at you."
And it's all so simple. I do not need to accept living in fear. Slowly, I learn that fear is the root of feeling victimized.
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