The Quilt I Will Finish

The grief is getting better.  I realize it will always be there if just a little bit, part of my landscape, along with my ended marriage, the death of my son, sister, grandmother, and mother, the big things in life that are so devastating.  Lately, I have had three ex-partners get in touch with me, apologize for their past behaviors, want to be close to me again, if only as very good and deep friends, friends who talk and help each other in this life--I am only heartbroken by this even as I deeply appreciate the apologies and what it takes to do this, because, though I am glad these people have returned to my life (and in one case fully accepted my apology and came back to be my friend), I feel so much that it need never have been so.

 Why do we do this, discard these people once they become familiar, think the grass is greener on the other side, believe we have fallen out of love when it is natural and normal for feelings to wax and wane in a relationship (I'm glad I've known that one for years), to hurt so much that people never want to come back...of this nearly everyone is "guilty"...it is a gift when people return, and I know that. I try to be extremely gentle with people (the original shock and anger have usually dissipated anyways by the time people want to come back) and always try to be the first one to forgive absolutely, completely, and wipe the slate clean.  I know that if someone wants to return to my life, they probably have done at least some work to improve themselves and their behavior towards me.

No matter what happens when you start over with someone if there has been a rift, the "rules" for me are absolute forgiveness, an awareness of what happened in the past that contributed to the end, and basically owning my own sadness and my scars.

I don't know why I feel the need to preface all this with the quilt I have been working on for years, my "Cosmos" quilt, named in memory of my beloved Carl Sagan (it's also in honor of Neil deGrasse Tyson, whom I adore, along with the new show).  I think it has much to do with love--how the brokenness that sometimes happens, that perhaps too often happens, can be repieced into something that, as a whole, becomes something beautiful.

BTW, please note the little aliens in the top row of the qult

I'm off to get ready to stargaze and fall into the majesty.