Catch-Up

I appreciate that so many people are continuing to read my blog, even though I have been absent.

Sometimes it seems that it's more usual in my life to have a slew of negative things happen around me than positive: last month,  it was the death of a friend's unborn daughter, as well as a lengthy and very saddening and discouraging argument over my writing with a friend.

In addition, my medical tests for lupus came back the worst in years. Before the results came back, my  doctor casually mentioned going back on chemo, which I thought was going to be real. Turns out, for some reason, that he wants to wait a while and see what the next round of tests brings up. I'm okay with that, but not grateful for the scare.

This month there was a dust-up, not my fault, which may have cost me two cherished friendships. Praying it has not happened. Such wonderful times and memories with these friends.

And little annoying things. All of it adds up. All of it feels as if on my shoulders.

Last night, for some odd reason, I got on Google Maps and looked at the old neighborhood where I grew up...a really pretty part of the San Fernando Valley. I traced my route from my house to school and back, and thought. Here I sit with the world falling apart around me all the time, and I learned in that house that crisis was normal, when it really isn't.

So resting, a heating pad each on my shoulder and knee, thinking about how to change these things. And praying that a little miracle happens and at very least, my friendships repair.